I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
