Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
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