I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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