Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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