we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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