But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
