i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
