Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I'm passing your future prison.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
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