every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
These tits shall not be calmed
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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