I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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