Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
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