what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
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