Are we in a gay sports bar?
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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