i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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