And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
