I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I think weed is turning my hair brown
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Randomize
