i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
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