dude i'm inner monologue high
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
