I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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