I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
