I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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