Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize