I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
