Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
