dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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