So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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