you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
