Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
