Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
