I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
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