okay pat passed out under dana's car
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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