Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize