Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
