Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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