I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
