I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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