My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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