I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
