how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
