Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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