rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
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