I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
and i looked up. we had an audience...
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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