It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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