dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
