so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
