Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize