and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
