What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Randomize
