OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
