i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
