He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
