Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize
