Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
