Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
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