wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize
