My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
