I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
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