4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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