he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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