Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Randomize
