I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Randomize
