Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
