I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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