Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
