have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
