I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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