There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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