Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
