The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
